Our daughter Jillian would be celebrating her 4th birthday tomorrow the 7th of January! I cannot believe it has been 4 years since she went to be with Jesus. The pain of her not being with us is sometimes too much to bear. There are good days and bad, but not a day goes by that I don't think about her and what we would be doing with her. In December of 2004 when we found out that a little girl was going to be joining our family we were soooooo excited. I was elated. Jakob and Jaden were so enthusiastic about the dresses, bows and all the new things that were about to happen. At the beginning of the New Year 2005 everything came crashing down. It was very hard to handle and at times didn't think I would make it through. Jakob and Jaden saved my life in those months after she past away. I had to keep living for them if not for myself. I also knew that Jillian was with Jesus and in a much better place. The Lord brought me comfort and peace and many friends to be there for me even when I didn't know what I needed. Michelle and Amy were there for me in the evenings after the kids would go to bed and Matt would be working the night shift. We would sit, talk, and watch movies. I just needed them there to be with me so I wasn't alone.

It is really amazing how I could carry someone in my tummy for 21 short weeks and have such a bond that can never be replaced or broken. I cannot wait to see her in Heaven and spend eternity being with her.